why didn't you poke me back
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
