I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If I die, sorry about rent.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
