Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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