sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
