Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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