did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
