A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
