I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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