Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Be still, my beating vagina.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
This toilet bowl is my home.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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