The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
