so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Randomize
