Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
