The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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