she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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