it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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