hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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