so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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