I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
