When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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