Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you win again, gameday.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
