Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
