I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
