So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You had me at "let me see your balls"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
