i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
