i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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