**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
