It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
