I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
