So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
