okay pat passed out under dana's car
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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