Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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