If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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