omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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