Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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