Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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