ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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