This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
