I like my sex mixed with concussions.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
