Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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