Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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