I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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