It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
