I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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