Pappa wants mamma naked
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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