Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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