woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
