i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
