They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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