We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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