This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
