so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
